Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how challenging discipline situations can be met with play. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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When Luke was a baby, while I was reading a lot of natural parenting blogs and books, I remember reading that kids learn better by action. I know I always did. I learn by watching others, and then I follow what they do. A natural social cue that almost all humans do and probably with out realizing. |
| Can I have the rock please? |
I always wondered why I'd need to force him to do it. Especially the 'say please' before I give you something. I felt that forcing manners on someone wasn't very productive. As he got older he'd do it just because I made him, not because he thought that's how people ask for things.
My husband and I decided to make a conscious effort to always say please and thank you to each other. (which was good for us too ;) ) We worked at it, but we still don't do it all the time. We also said please and thank you when asking him for something like saying please and thank you when playing with Luke. 'Can I see that toy please?' Always trying to remember that play time could also be learning manners time.
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| Water Please Mama! |
Fast forward about a year, while at breakfast, he says 'Water, please, Mama'. I was taken back. I had totally forgotten about how we got in our habit of please and thank you. I realized, I had never been saying, 'say please before water'. I had just been doing what we had been doing. Soon after the 'please' (more like pwweeese) came the 'thank you's'. Again, just by surprise one day.
I really think this is the best way a child can learn how to socialize. He's not learning by force, he's learning by what he sees everyone else do. We still are working towards him saying please and thank you to others, since he's going through a shy phase. And we do slip up sometimes, I've caught myself doing the 'say hi', 'say bye', 'say please' etc. But it's a constant reminder for me to remember that actions speak louder than words.
How do you teach your little ones social cues by action or playing?
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon September 13 with all the carnival links.)
- On being a more playful parent — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how the Playful Parenting book impacted her.
- Parenting a toddler through play — Alicia at I Found My Feet lists some examples of how she uses play to parent through everyday tasks and challenges.
- Splashing in Puddles — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares how she learned to get dirty and have fun with her little boy.
- Say Please — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life explains how they taught their son manners by "play," showing that actions speak louder than words.
- No Nanny Needed — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life wishes parenting through play was her only responsibility during the day.
- I'll Run Away With Gypsies — Nikalee at Spotted Pandemonium maneuvers physical and emotional obstacles while spinning playful tales, jumping through hoops, and inspiring the kids to clean the living room.
- A Promise To My Daughter — Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure writes a poem for her daughter promising to use play instead of anger when facing difficult situations.
- Parenting Through Play — Not Always Easy But Always Rewarding — Amy at Peace4Parents discusses how play hasn't always come easily to her, the power of appreciative observation, and how her family learns together through play.
- Imagination Plays a Role in Our Parenting — Tree at Mom Grooves shares how parents can use play to set the foundation for communication and understanding.
- A Box of Crayons — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about how a simple box of crayons has become a wonderful parenting and teaching tool.
- The Essential Art of Play — Ana at Pandamoly shares some of her favorite lessons available for young ones through play.
- The Art of Distraction — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of distracting alternatives to harsh punishments in tough parenting situations.
- Grace and Courtesy Games at Home or School — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has ideas for grace and courtesy games that help you encourage courteous behavior without reprimanding your child.
- I am woman, hear me roar! — Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares how one simple sound can diffuse an argument in an instant.
- Getting Cooperation Through Play — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about respecting the worldview of a preschooler by using play to encourage connection and cooperation.
- Playful Parenting = Extra Energy?? — Momma Jorje didn't think she had the energy for playful parenting. See what she was surprised to learn…
- Dance Party Parenting — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen learned how to be the parent her children need through play.
- Wrestling Saved My Life — Wrestling is as vital to her son's well-being as babywearing once was, finds Hannah at Wild Parenting.
- Parenting through play — By playing with her children, Tara from MUMmedia is given amazing opportunites to teach, train and equip her children for life.
- Parenting Through Play Starts in Infancy — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Issa from LoveLiveGrow shares that though she only has a 3-month-old, playful parenting has already started.
- Play Before Sleep — Adrienne at Mommying My Way writes about how playing and singing with her son before he falls asleep helps calm her frustrations that tend to arise at night.
- Playful Parenting — Or 5 Lessons My Son Has Taught Me About Parenting Through Play — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama has learned to be a better parent by following her toddler's lead in play.
- Hurry up! Hurry up! I mean it! Quack, quack, quack! — Kellie at Our Mindful Life leads a trail of ducklings
- On the Road: Learning to Play — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers her inner adult through a summer of playing with her children.
- Preventing Tantrums Through Play — Gaby at Tmuffin explains how she keeps her household happy by not taking things too seriously.
- Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play — Lily, aka Witch Mom, redirects unwanted behavior in a toddler using games and play.
- Exaggerating for effect — Lauren at Hobo Mama has learned how to ham it up.
- Handling Big Emotions with Role Playing — Zoie at TouchstoneZ plays at tempering her parental frustrations while helping her children handle some big emotions
- How To Herd Toddlers by Talking Pictorially — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama demonstrates how talking in pictures is a playful way to engage your young child in transitioning from one activity to the next.
- Getting a Toddler to Go Where You Want…Playfully — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how a game of hide-and-seek can be used to steer a wandering toddler in the direction of her choosing.
- Playful Parenting: Chores That Do Themselves — Remember chores when you were a kid? If chores were this fun for Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey, she wouldn't have needed any reminders!
- Clown School Express: Playing away Fears — MudpieMama describes how she helped her boys confront their fears about starting kindergarten by playing with trains.
- Practicing Playful Parenting — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle realizes that playfulness is the best way through the day and seeks more ways to practice it.
- Today, Tomorrow and Every Day — Starr at Taking Time addresses her children in a letter sharing with them how improtant it is that they spend their childhood playing.
- Learning Through Immersion — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares how she helps her daughter develop naturally without focusing on teaching, but rather by immersing her in their family's way of life and making her an active part of her environment.
- Play Here Now — Jessica at Instead of Institutions learns and relearns and tries to remember the value of play.
- Play: A Wonderful Parenting Tool — Mamapoekie from Authentic Parenting offers a list of examples on how to use play in real-life parenting situations.
- Playful Parenting — a Book Review — Erica at ChildOrganics shares simple yet sage advice from Dr. Cohen on how play can change your child's life.
- Mock Threats: Turning Real Frustration into Playful Parenting — Threatening is not an effective discipline strategy, but Dionna at Code Name: Mama explains how parents can turn their frustration into playful moments by making "mock threats."
- I'm Sick of Yelling — I Want to Play — Alicia at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts realizes she needs to change the way she's parenting and is forming a new plan.
- Sing-along, Brush-along Songs — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest shares a few songs to make brushing her three-year-old's teeth more fun.
- Monster Voice — Ever have those frustrating moments with your kid(s) when you just want to scream? Amy at Anktangle shares a silly strategy for getting through those difficult times.
14 comments:
It’s important to learn good manners early and I think it’s wonderful that you are teaching your children good manners and to say Please and Thank You. As a former teacher and grandmother of nine, I offer the following suggestion. A children's book emphasizing good manners is The Magic Word by Sherrill S. Cannon. In a society full of bullying and self-centered children, it is helpful to teach your children the benefits of consideration for others and being polite. This book is a rhyming story of a little girl who was rude, selfish and demanding – and had very few friends. Her mother suggested that she needed to improve her manners; so when she went to school the next day, she thought of her mother’s advice, “What is the magic word?” and she started saying “Please” and also “Thank You”. She tried to become more thoughtful of others, and discovered that she was a much happier person. The repetitive use of the phrase “What is the magic word?” has children answering “Please”! (and Thank You! for reading this comment)
I agree that teaching through example, especially things like manners, is most effective. I think reading amusing children's books, where the characters model good manner, but the manners are not the center of the story, is as effective as reading a book that centers on please and thank you. Following our example, our children have learned to be very informal at home, but to use those words when in other company. I used to be more adamant about please and thank you. At some point I realized that the please was implied in a polite "would you do x?" vs a demanding "get me x!" and that that shy little smile is a way of saying thank you. I don't need a child to verbalize it to know that. It actually bothers me now when I hear parents/care-givers tell a child "say please," including myself on the rare occasion it slips out of my mouth.
I also try not to prompt for manners, though sometimes I also slip up, particularly around people I think are waiting for the "magic words" (like my mom, heh). What I really need to work on, and congratulate you on doing, is saying "please" (this one especially) and "thank you" to my partner (though I do like Nikalee's point that it's often implied in the polite tone & wording we use). How can Mikko & Alrik learn that's what's expected if it's not what we do in front of them?
We are on the same wavelength :) That's exactly what we've done with Kieran, and while I have been known to whisper "say thank you" when a random person does something nice and Kieran gets so excited that he forgets, normally it's not necessary ;)
I am guilty of requesting it sometimes, but most of the time I try to lead by example for manners. They learn so much by watching us! Great post :)
I agree that the best way to teach a child something is being a role-model. This way it comes from within, not because they are supposed to do so. It always disturbs me when people prompt one or two year olds to say thank you, they are only so small. Like you, I believe they will do so when they see and learn.
I agree with you here. We discovered that we naturally said please and thank you by noticing that our daughter just naturally says it. She'll say it even when she's digging her heals in and not doing as we wish. She'll say, "no thank you" when I ask her to do something. Hard not to laugh.
Isn't it nice to know we don't have to nag them?
Sherril- I would like my son to be considerate of others. That's probably something I should have added in there. Now that he's older, I try to explain why we say please. Or with other things, so he understands that it's just a considerate. But I don't want to force him because I want him to genuinely mean it.
Nikalee- That's a good idea, more informal at home. Because, like you said, I want him to treat others, like grandparents with respect and using nice tone! I don't worry too much about it here at home because I'll be honest, my husband and I forget too so it's only natural not to do it ALL the time.
Lauren- yeah we need to work on it too. We did it better in the beginning. After writting this I noticed how we've kinda forgot :P
Dionna and Alicia- I do that too. It's like so ingrained in my head to say 'say thanks'.
Isil- You are right on, it comes from with in. It's crazy to request a two year old to say please and thank you with every single sentence.
Teresa- LOL. I like the no thank you. I wonder what i'll say to that!
I thought you were going to talk about how you play with your kids! Because I know you do it a lot--the new pic on your sidebar shows it all.
Anyway, this is a good topic. I don't like how Phillip requires Michael to stay please. I'm worried that one of these days Michael is going to want something and then expect he gets it just because he said please. I think forcing it undermines learning social cues naturally. He was doing just fine before Phillip started pushing it. But, he isn't too harsh. Personally, I just ask Michael to ask nicely, I don't care if there is a please in there or not, as long as he is polite about it. And that's what I do with him. I am almost always polite to him (unless I'm having a really bad day, lol).
I do catch myself prompting Abbey to use manners every so often. . . it's important to learn grace and courtesy. . . but it's even more important to respect our children's childhoods, and not overwhelm them with how they "should" behave and make them feel as if their personalities are less than perfect. Instead, like you wrote about, it is by example that children learn, and we have to serve as good models for them!
I love how you are leading by example. I was always forced to say I was sorry, etc., with no meaning because it was forced. I'm not a fan of 'magic words' - it's the same thing as saying 'say please'and insinuates that just because they are polite they'll get what they want, which we don't want to encourage. Thank you for a great post. (wandered over from five seed!)
Stopping by from the CarNatPar...This is such a great reminder. I prompt Baby T to say please a lot, and I model how to ask for things without whining: (put on singsongy, nonwhiny voice here) "Can I have some juice please, mama?" But sometimes I am afraid he got thhe whiny voice from me. I have to be careful of my own voice when I ask for things or complain about something.
Love your post and how your story demonstrates how actions speak louder than words. DH and I do model saying "Please" and "Thank You" all of the time -- with each other and Moses and those around us. We like to hear it ourselves. And we are told all of the time that Moses is such a polite boy.
I have to admit though, that sometimes we also ask Moses to "say the magic word"...
Why is it so important to know the magic words? Because of a formality? People can say "thank you" and "please" and still be a jerk! Why do we put so much emphasis on these "words" rather than on the actions?
What would people do if we reminded them that they have not said the "magic words" in order for us to do something or give them something in return? Why do we need the warm feeling that the words "Thank you" and "Please" give us?
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