The Stay at Home Mom

I've  been a stay at home mom now for almost three years.  I have noticed a lot in these three years.
1. Some mom's I talk to or follow on facebook seem to use house chores as a way of feeling accomplished and
2.  Most stay at home moms think that the house chores are all of their responsibility.

I've heard things like 'oh finally the kids are  napping I can actually get something done' or listing off this large amount of chores they will or have accomplished that day.  Some moms have mentioned that they have to clean so they can justify staying home (along those lines).  As much as I sometimes fall into that mind set I feel that it's just not right.

As a stay at home mom, my role is to take care of the kids.  That's why I'm staying home.  If I worked, kids would go to day care.  The day care people would not be cleaning my house.  They would only be caring for my kids.  So, if I were to send my kids somewhere else the house would still be messy.   So how did the stay at home mom some how get the all day task of watching kids AND cleaning the whole house?

Now, I will admit that its easy to do some chores while at home.  And that some times it's a matter of that it's the deal between the husband and the wife-- I'll clean the bathrooms if you mow and water the lawn.  And sometimes for me anyway, its easier that I wash the diapers or start and do laundry because I'm home. And sometimes I have time to do more and do it because it needs to be done.  But that doesn't mean that my husband shouldn't also have chores too.

Once and a while I feel that if I finish cleaning the kitchen or clean the bathroom I can mark the day as productive.  But the reason I feel that mind set is wrong is because as a stay at home mom my job is to take care of the kids.  Did I take care of the kids?  Did I play with them?  Did they get fed?  Did I take care of their needs?  And are they alive?  Well, yes, then your stay at home mothering job is COMPLETE.  Seriously.  That is the accomplishment of the job.  Anything else is extra!  I just don't like that thinking that chores equal a successful day.  Moms should more often think about what quality of life they are giving their kids and feel accomplished! 

For me lately, I have been measuring my accomplishments by opportunities to serve my vocation.  What can I do to become a better mother?  For me it's working on being more patient.  So I can ask myself questions like... Was I patient with my kids today while they were learning?  Was I patient when they thought something wasn't fair?  Then if I answer no I could think of ways I could change.  Now, that's accomplishing something. 


What are your roles at home?  And what helps you feel accomplished?

Growing Up in the Kitchen

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids in the Kitchen
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how kids get involved in cooking and feeding. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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My daughter watching me cook!

I love to cook and try new things in the kitchen.  I always have.  When I was a kid, I used to watch some cooking show on TV that always led to me asking to make dinner that night.  It was just me and my dad when I was growing up.  My dad was all for my experimentations because he didn't like to cook.

I worried that once I had kids it would mean less time in the kitchen.  In fact, people even told me that they don't have time to cook anymore, that life with kids was too busy for home cooked meals.

But I figured out how to do it.  You let your kids help!

One of my son's first times stirring

Ever since Luke was a baby, he's been in the kitchen with me.  Even as far back as I can remember I used to hold him while I made coffee, explaining everything as I was doing it.  Then when he got a little older he sat in the  Bumbo holding (and chewing) on a spatula watching what I did.  Then he got a little older where he could stand and almost walk, he played with stuff in the sink.  

Concentrating on cracking eggs

The next stage was the hardest for me.  He was able to walk and stand sturdy on a chair.  He wanted to help me stir in the hot pan.  I let him, even though I worried a little about him burning himself.  But I figured once he did it, he'd learn exactly what he needed to.  Don't touch hot pans!  He did it once in the early cooking days, and he rarely ever burns himself now, probably about as often as I do now.

Now he's always in the kitchen helping me by using knives to cut, stirring, and his latest obsession- cracking eggs.  He also likes to just play around, he likes to get into my spice cupboard and taste spices.  He wastes things sometimes, too, but it's worth it to me to let him experiment.

Even though he's only almost 2 1/2, I know he has an appreciation for food and what it takes to make a meal.  I want him to grow up with the knowledge of how to cook and have the tools to nourish himself. 

Sometimes things go slower or get way more messy than if it were just me but what a beautiful thing to see a child learning to create in the kitchen!

How do your kids help you?

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon November 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Baking & letting go — Cooking with kids can be a mess. Nadia at Red White & GREEN Mom is learning to relax, be patient, and have fun with the process.
• Family feeding in Child of Mine — Lauren at Hobo Mama reviews Ellyn Satter's suggestions for appropriate feeding and points out where her family has problems following through.
• Children with Knives! (And other Kitchen Tools) — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy teaches her children how to safely use knives.
• "Mommy, Can I Help?" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how she lets her kiddos help out with cooking, despite her {sometimes} lack of patience!
• Solids the Second Time Around — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts her experiences introducing solids to her second child.
• The Adventure of Toddler Tastebuds — The Accidental Natural Mama shares a few things that helped her daughter develop an adventurous palate.
• A Tradition of Love — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy looks forward to sharing the kitchen traditions passed on from her mom and has already found several ways to involve baby in the kitchen.
• The Very Best Classroom — Alicia C. at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts reveals how her kitchen is more than a place to make food - it's a classroom!
• Raising Little Chefs — Chef Mike guest posts on Natural Parents Network about how he went from a guy who couldn't cook to a chef who wanted to teach his boys to know how the food we love is made.
• In the Kitchen with my kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares a delicious soup recipe that her kids love.
• Papa, the Pancake Artist — Papa's making an incredible breakfast over at Our Mindful Life.
• Kids won't eat salad? Try this one! — Tat at Mum in Search is sharing her children's favourite salad recipe.
• Recipe For a Great Relationship — Cooking with kids is about feeding hearts as well as bellies, writes Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• The Ritual of Mealtimes — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins writes about the significance of mealtimes in her family’s daily rhythm.
• Kid, Meet Food. Food, Kid. — Alburnet at What's Next? panicks about passing on her food "issues" to her offspring.
• Growing Up in the Kitchen — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how her son is growing up in the kitchen.
• Harvesting Corn and History — From Kenna at School Garden Year: The kids in the school garden harvest their corn and learn how much history grows in their food.
• My Guiding Principles for Teaching my Child about Food — Tree at Mom Grooves uses these guiding principles to give her daughter a love of good food and an understanding of nutrition as well as to empower her to make the best choices for her body.
• Kitchen Control — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro writes about her struggles to relinquish control in the kitchen to her children.
• Food — Emma at Your Fonder Heart lets her seven month old teach her how to feed a baby.
• Kitchen Fun? — Adrienne at Mommying My Way questions how much fun she can have in a non-functional kitchen, while trying to remain positive about the blessings of cooking for her family.
• Kitchen Adventures — Erica at ChildOrganics shares fun ways to connect with your kids in the kitchen.
• Kids in the Kitchen: Finding the Right Tools — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares some of her favorite child-sized kitchen gadgets and where to find them.
• The Kitchen Classroom — Laura at Authentic Parenting knows that everything your kids want to learn is at the end of the ladle.
• Kids in the Kitchen — Luschka from Diary of a First Child talks about the role of the kitchen in family communication and shares fun kitchen activities for the under two.
• Our Kitchen is an Unschooling Classroom. — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle explores the many ways her kitchen has become a rich environment for learning.
• Montessori-Inspired Food Preparation for Preschoolers — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares lots of resources for using Montessori food preparation activities for young children in the kitchen.
• My Little Healthy Eater — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares her research on what is the best first food for babies, and includes a healthy and yummy breakfast recipe.
• Two Boys and Papa in the Kitchen: Recipe for Disaster? — MudpieMama shares all about her fears, joys and discoveries when the boys and handsome hubby took over the kitchen.
• Food choices, Food treats — Henrietta at Angel Wings and Herb Tea shares her family's relationship with food.
• learning to eat — Catherine at learner mummy reflects on little M's first adventures with food.
• The Night My 7-Year-Old Made Dinner — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares how her 7-year-old daughter surprised everyone by turning what started as an idea to play restaurant into pulling off making supper for her family.
• Cooking With a High-Needs Toddler — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how Montessori-inspired activities and a bit of acceptance have helped her overcome hurdles in cooking while caring for a "high-needs" child.
• Kids in the Kitchen – teaching healthy food choices — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares her belief in the importance of getting kids into the kitchen using her favorite cookbook for kids to develop healthy food choices now and hopefully into the future.
• Make Milk, Not War — Tamara at Tea for Three remembers the daily food fights as she struggled to feed a picky eater.
• teaching baby birds about good food. — Sarah at Small Bird on Fire writes about the ways in which her family chooses to gently teach their son how to make wise food decisions.
• 5 Ways to Enhance Your Baby or Young Toddler's Relationship with Food — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares simple ways to give your child a healthy beginning to her lifelong relationship with food.
• Toddler at the Table: 10 Creative Solutions — Moorea at Mamalady shares tips for preventing meal-time power struggles.
• How My Child Takes Responsibility During His Mealtime... — Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy shares how she teaches and encourages her 32 months old son on adopting good manners and responsibilities during his mealtimes...
• megan — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares six tips for overcoming some of the the difficulties of cooking with multiple young sous chefs, and a recipe they all can agree on!
• How BLW has made me a better parent — Zoe at Mummykins shares how baby-led weaning has changed her approach to parenting.
• My Budding Chef — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom is no cook but is happy that her daughter has shown an inclination and manages to whip up yummy goodies for their family.
• Kids in the Kitchen: An Activity for Every Age — Gaby from Tmuffin describes how she keeps her kids busy in the kitchen, whether they are one week old or two years old.
• The Phantastically Mutlipurposed Phyllo — Ana at Pandamoly shares how Phyllo is used to create enticing dishes at home! Anything can be made into a Struedel!
• Kitchen Kids — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen shares her children's most favorite recipe to make, experience and eat.
• Independence vs. Connection in the Kitchen: won't you please get yourself your own snack already? — Lisa at Organic Baby Atlanta wishes her daughter would just go make a mess in the kitchen. But her daughter only wants to do it together.
• Grandma Rose's Kitchen — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter reminisces about her childhood and dreams of filling her kitchen with people, love, noise, and messes.
• Healthy Food Choices for Kids — Jorje offers one way to encourage children to make their own healthy food choices at MommaJorje.com.
• Cooking food to thrive rather than survive — Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales is trying to foster a lifetime of good food habits by teaching her children about the importance of avoiding junk, cooking healthy meals, and learning about the whole food process.
• Evolution of a self-led eater — Sheila at A Gift Universe shares the story of how her son grew from nursing around the clock to eating everything in sight, without her having to push.
• 10 Ways Tiny Helps In The Kitchen — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama explores the ways in which her toddler actively participates in kitchen-related activities.
• The Complexity of Feeding a Child — Feeding children a healthy diet is no straight-forward task, but Lisa at My World Edenwild shares some general guidelines to help your child thrive.
• Lactation Cookies — That Mama Gretchen shares a fun recipe that will benefit both mamas and babies!
• The Best Books and Websites to Inspire Kids in the Kitchen — Need inspiration to get your kids in the kitchen? Dionna at Code Name: Mama rounds up some of the best books and websites that can serve as a source for ideas, recipes, and cooking with littles fun.
• A 4-year-old's smoothie recipe — Jen at Grow With Graces and her son set out to make a smoothie without the usual ingredients. She let him improvise. See how it turned out.
• Independent Food Preparation (My Toddler Can Do That?) — Megan at Montessori Moments shares simple ways for children to prepare their own healthy snacks.
• Follow Your Gut — Amy at Anktangle shares her philosophy about intuitive eating, and how she's trying to foster her son's trust in his own inner wisdom when he feels hungry.
• A TODDLER-STYLE LUNCH + RECIPE — Manic Mrs. Stone photographs how to have messy fun during lunchtime with a helpful toddler.

Without a Stroller

I read The Continuum Concept when Luke was about three months old.  I also joined the email forum.  I remember one of the two talking about how a stroller isn't necessary.

When Luke was small, we hardly ever used our Bob Stroller (that I purchased at a lesser price on craigslist).  I thought I would need it for all the jogging I would do, or shopping with Luke.  I just thought you needed a stroller.   My husband and I used it a few times when we went for a walk or when we would jog, which wasn't very much at all.  We still took it some places and it was big and bulky and hardly fit in the trunk of our honda civic.

From the time Luke was about 3months on, I carried him in my Ergo and just went for walks.  And we sometimes put him in the stroller when we wanted to jog together (again, rarely).  The Ergo was great because I would walk a mile down to the local store and back, 2 miles total.  Sometimes I would climb the back way over the hills by our house with my little guy strapped into my Ergo.  I felt secure with him right there close.  I actually felt weird with him being in the stroller so far away from me.  Plus, if he wanted to nurse or get out, I was stuck holding him and pushing that stroller, which is why I mostly only did it when my husband was with me.  We walked everywhere.  In fact, the stroller sat in our garage for most of his life.  Until he got old enough to ask to just get in it for novelty because he liked being pushed.

Just lately, I've taken him on a couple walks in the stroller because I also walk the dog on the leash and it's hard to do both.  But last week the stroller wheels were flat and our pump was broken so I just decided to take him outside and let him walk while I held on to the dog leash and then again today with my husband.  When we went by ourselves he walked the whole way around our little loop until he tripped then I carried him the rest of the way home. Today we walked to this elementary school park where he could play and the dog could sniff around.  He walked the whole, almost 1/2 a mile there.  Then he walked almost all the way back, until he fell and wanted to be lifted and taken home.  No stroller needed.

It is a little hard on my back for him to carry him along ways without anything since I'm pregnant.  But, when it's just me, I don't go that far from home anyway.  We went to the park today because my husband was there to carry him home when he fell.
The theory in the book was correct.  And now I believe it, that babies just need to be carried until they learn to walk and explore, then they are able to walk for themselves.  Sometimes a stroller is nice to have, but it's better to have your child walk.  I think this could possibly be a reason for kids getting the American lazy syndrome... because they aren't used to walking.  They are used to being in strollers until they are way older.  Then they aren't used to walking very far.

Anyway, this is just my theory for now.  We'll see how Luke evolves into a walker.  I really enjoy seeing Luke walk around and explore around the neighborhood.  Maybe when our new baby comes, he'll want to take walks with me while I carry the baby.  And maybe when he's older, he'll want to keep walking with Mama as we enjoy time together. :)

Library

I went to the tot time at our Library in our new town.  I really liked it and so did Luke.  There were about 20 kids there.  The woman in charge was really bubbly and friendly.  So I think we'll go back.  I was impressed with the amount of board books they had for kids too.  Way more than my old library, well, they might have less, but they had more available to check out.

While they were reading and singing songs I looked hopefully looked around trying to spot other 'crunchy' Moms.  LOL.  I don't think that's something you can spot.  I didn't really go out of the way to to try to meet anyone.  I don't know if that sounds rude but I wasn't really in the mood today to chit chat.  But I overheard a lot of the conversations of moms afterwards and they all seemed like very nice people.  Maybe I can talk to someone next time.  I'd be nice to find some moms around to hang out with.  But I already have two friends with kids Luke's age from college that live close by.  So how many more do I need?  Plus, I'm still in denial about living so far away from my old neighbor and favorite mom friend, Lisa_C.  I guess I just need to drive up to Portland to hang out.

Well that's all for now.  Trying to take a nap now.

What cosleeping is like for me.

When I was pregnant with Luke I never thought in my wildest dreams would I ever have my child sleep with me and my husband.  I thought things like 'what a bad habit' or 'they'll never grow out of it'.  And then I thought my husband and I would never get alone time or our bed back.

When we brought Luke home, we had him in a crib in the other bedroom.  My husband would go get him each time he needed to nurse.  Luke was always a fairly good sleeper so it wasn't often.  He was far from a colicky baby.  But each night I would worry about him being all alone and I was loosing sleep myself.  So we decided it would be easier to move the crib into our room next to our bed as a co-sleeper.  It was great.  I could check on him and I could see him breathe and move around.  Each morning around 4 or 5am Luke would wake to nurse.  I would pull him in bed with me, and being exhausted, he just slept with us because we were too lazy to get up and put him back in and risk waking him up.  Then as time went on, we just let him sleep after the 2am nursing, then one night I think we just fell asleep nursing at bed time.  And by that time he was older, about 4 months, and really strong so we weren't worried about blankets or the cat getting at him.  

That was it, he slept with us.  Then the crib ended up being a piece of furniture in the way and the cat ended up sleeping in it.  Finally we got tired of it taking up space and by then we knew we were a co-sleeping family. 

Now, I can't imagine it any other way.   Luke is now 16 months and I couldn't imagine sleeping with out him.  Neither could my husband.  In the other room, he'd be so far away.  If he wanted to nurse, it'd be such a long walk in there.  Not to mention all the benefits there are to co-sleeping, why would we want it any other way? 

I love the extra cuddles.  I love being there when he wakes up.  He's so cute when he wakes up, sometimes he's dreaming and he says 'bus' (or something else) right as he's waking up.  One time the day after we saw my friend Usa, he said 'Usa' right as he was waking up.  Then he rolls over and has a big smile on his face because he knows his Mama is right next to him.  And he's even more excited when he sees that it's the weekend and Dad is right next to him too.  Those are the moments I never want to miss.  They are the sweetest things.

Our next baby won't even be in a room by themselves.  They'll be cuddled right next to us.  I wouldn't want it any other way.

Car Seats

I don't like when people keep their babies in car seats like it's a portable bed. I see people have the baby in the car seat in the shopping cart, in the doctors office, at parties, in the weirdest strangest places.

I did it before. Before I knew any better.  But, not that often.  Not to places I see people having their kids in car seats now.  When I have my next baby,  I hope to always have him be close to me or Dad in a sling.

I think babies need to be held more.  From my experience with Luke, they are always happier in arms, close with his mother.  Close to where he was the nine months before.  The soothing sound of my heart beat and the warm touch of my skin.

What makes it so difficult to put a baby in a sling when you arrive at a store?  And, if you are leaving your baby in a car seat and when they start to fuss or cry, why do you do everything you can to keep them in that car seat.  Just take them out and hold your baby!  (ok ok, I know sometimes if they are napping, it's hard to take them out and I'm sure it's ok... but I'm talking about the people who over do it.)

I feel sad when babies are lugged around in the car seat.  I wonder what it's like to be nuzzled against plastic instead of your Mommy.

Praise and Manipulation... again

I wrote about this before but I wanted to touch on it again.

I hate praise.  But I think I understand it a little better.  I don't hate praise so much as I hate manipulation.  There's a difference, here it is.

Luke puts a dish away in the dish washer after I asked him by saying 'lets put our breakfast plates in the dishwasher'.  He does it.  I say 'thank you for putting your dish away'.

That is praise.  Everyone deserves it.

I say to my husband after dinner when he ever so kindly cleans up the kitchen while I nurse Luke to sleep... 'thanks for cleaning up the rest of the dishes'.  That is normal.  That is the kind way to treat someone after they have helped you do something.  Or just to acknowledge that they work hard for you.  So that the feel appreciated.  Maybe some don't need that to do things that they see need to be done.  And, it isn't exactly needed.  But isn't it nice when someone recongizes that you spent a little extra time doing something, especially your family?


Manipulation.  *In a high pitch baby voice* 'Luke, thanks for putting the dishes away!  You're so helpful!  Thanks for being such a good helper.  You're so good!!'  Manipulating him into thinking that he's really going to get this special attention every time he does something of my approval.  Something that he's going to expect every time.  It's over done.  It's so over done that he's going to seek that huge approval for everything.  And when he's older and actually treated like another human, he's going to realize that we don't do that any more.  That adults don't talk like that.  That he's going to have to find other ways to seek that kind of attention from me.  I don't want that kind of attention to be used to teach him to what I want him to do. I don't want that used to manipulate him.  

I want him to see a need that the dishes need to be off the table and put away.  Not just doing it for love from his mother.  He can get the love and attention when he needs it.   And most of all I want to treat my son like he's a person, not my slave or a lesser than me.  He's as equally valuable as me.  As my lovely neighbor, Lisa_C, said once, parents aren't the dictators, they are more like leaders.   My goal isn't to have my son put dishes away.  My goal is to enable him to be the person he is meant to be and to help him along the way.

I'm sure I'm going to learn more about this as he grows.  But for now this is what I've learned. 

How do you eat when you're out of town?

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: You Are What You Eat

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about their struggles and successes with healthy eating. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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I've never felt so good in my life, from the time Luke has been eating solids until now. When he first started eating solids we wanted to make sure he was eating mostly organic and fresh foods. We decided on baby led weaning, so we've been just feeding him whatever we eat in manageable pieces. This meant we too would be eating mostly organic and fresh foods. I can honestly say, I feel like this is the best I've felt, ever.
To take it up another notch, my husband found a blog called Mark's Daily Apple. Then we bought his book and read it. The guy talks about eating a 'primal' diet of mostly meats, veggies, fruit, nuts, eggs and not as many carbs... you know hunter-gatherer type meals. We've been doing that for a couple weeks now. I couldn't tell any difference until I went to visit my parents this past weekend. We had pizza, cereal, bread, all the types of carbs I've avoided for the last few weeks. Don't get me wrong, the food was really good. My body just wasn't used to it. I had gas every night, all night long. Then, I didn't really even want anything to eat because I knew it was going to upset my stomach. I even said no to cake at my grandma's birthday party, something I never do. But my stomach just couldn't handle the sugar and extra carbs. I just couldn't wait to have a salad with chicken or eggs with veggies.
This is probably the biggest struggle. How do you eat when you are away from home? There's all this wonderful good food but it's bad for you. It's greasy delicious pizza. It's the fantastic cake at Grandma's birthday party. It's all the food you missed when you were 'eating good'. We're not total fanatics, we just try and do 80% good, 20% bad. But if you get used to eating a certain way, then don't for a few days, it hurts.
But even harder, what do you feed your baby when you aren't at home? Usually I have an array of snacks for Luke all the time... cheese, yogurt, fresh fruits, dried fruits, etc. But when we're out of town or somewhere else it makes it harder. Luke's getting used to having more than just breastmilk all day. So when he doesn't get those snack times, he gets hungry, like real-food hungry. With baby led weaning, you give them what you eat, but what if I'm eating food that's not really that healthy? Needless to say, Luke didn't eat too much healthy food this weekend. He really didn't eat too much at all (thank goodness he's still nursing).
Maybe I need to get used to making sure I have snacks ready. Or when we're out of town, make sure to stop to pick up some things for him. This changes everything. It was way easier when I could just nurse and not worry about food. I love food, but it's become so hard in so many different ways.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated July 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Welcome to Two — All About Food — In case you hadn't heard, there is a conspiracy afoot from the two-year-olds of the world. Shana at Tales of Minor Interest stumbled onto their newsletter!


• Four Seasons of Eating Locally — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction has pointers for what fresh produce can be found year-round. (@MBJunction)


• Happy Families Can Have More Than One Diet — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has figured out a way for her family to live happily as vegans and vegetarians with relatives who eat meat. (@DebChitwood)


• My Own Omnivore’s Dilemma — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante prioritizes responsible consumer choices for her family.


• No Gluten — No Cry — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma learned to cook balanced meals when her son's food sensitivities prompted a diet overhaul. (@kitchenwitch)


• Try, Try Again — Stefanie at very very fine has become an enthusiastic consumer of locally grown food.


• CSA — Week 1 — Casey at What Love Is wants her children to know where their food comes from, so she joined a friendly CSA. (@CBerbs)


• Food: Parenting or Homemaking? — Michelle at The Parent Vortex sees food as part of a parent's nurturing role. (@TheParentVortex)


• 5 Tips to Help Kids Develop Healthy Eating Habits — If you struggle with healthy eating, helping your child develop healthy habits might be a challenge. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares five easy tips that will help your kids learn to make good food choices. (@CodeNameMama)


• Family Food: Seeking Balance Between Healthy, Sustainable & Affordable — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings has a whole list of ideas for how she can improve her family's eating, both now and into the future. (@sunfrog)


• Whole Foods in, Wholesome Feelings Out — Jessica at This is Worthwhile has turned her back on the processed, preservative-ridden food of her childhood. (@tisworthwhile)


• When to Splurge on Organic (and When It Is Okay to Skip It) — Becoming Mamas tell you what foods to prioritize when buying pricier organic food, and where you can find it cheaper. (@becomingmamas)


• A Locavore's Family Meal — Acacia at Be Present Mama tells a story in pictures of her family taking a trip to the local organic farmers market and then preparing a summer meal together with their bounty.


• Eat Your Food, or Else — Why should we not bribe a child to eat? TwinToddlersDad from Littlestomaks (Science Driven Real Life Toddler Nutrition) explains. (@TwinToddlersDad)


• Food, Glorious Food! — Luschka at Diary of a First Child describes three easy ways her family has started eating healthier. (@diaryfirstchild)


• Celebrating Food — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes in food as medicine and thinks it's worth paying more to keep healthy. (@myzerowaste)


• Oil and Yogurt — What have you been motivated to do with the current oil spill crisis? midnightfeedings has started making her own yogurt. (@midnightfeeding)


• Growth-Spurt Soup (AKA "Beannut Stew") — BeanMa has a special stew to help her baby through growth spurts that keep her up all night. (@thebeanma)

• Why I Love The Real Food Community — Much like many people who follow AP/NP values, Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! takes the parts of the "real food" philosophy that work for her family and leaves the rest. (@bfmom)


• Feeding a Family of Six — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children gives helpful tips for feeding a family of six.


• Starting Solids at 6 Months — Did your doctor recommend that you give your baby cereal? Sheryl at Little Snowflakes discusses how whole foods are so much healthier (and more delicious) than traditional cereal. (@sheryljesin)


• Am I What I Eat? — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. has figured out a way to avoid grocery stores nearly altogether.


• Are We Setting Our Kids Up To Fail? — Megan at Purple Dancing Dahlias found that cutting out the junk also transformed her sons' behavior problems.


• Changing your family's way of eating — Lauren at Hobo Mama has techniques you can try to move your family gradually toward a healthier diet. (@Hobo_Mama)


• Real Food — What kinds of fake foods do you eat? And why?! Lisa C. at My World Edenwild talks about why she chooses real food.


• A Snackaholic’s Food Battle — Julie at Simple Life wants to stop snacking and get into the old ways of cooking from scratch and raising her own food. (@homemakerjulie)


• Food, Not Fight — Summer at Finding Summer doesn't want her kids to grow up like her husband: hating everything green. (@summerm)


• How Do You Eat When You Are out of Town? — Cassie at There's a Pickle In My Life wants some tips on how to eat healthy when you are out of town.


• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Food! — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker hopes that by serving her children healthy, balanced meals, they will become accustomed to making good food choices. (@sybilryan)


• There's No Food Like Home's — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing revels in the Bajan food of her upbringing. (@BlkWmnDoBF)


• This Mom's Food Journey — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment made a journey from not paying attention to food to growing her own.


• Who Knew Eating Was So Hard? — The challenges involved in changing to healthier eating habits take on a whole new dimension when you have a child who has difficulties eating. kadiera at Our Little Acorn shares her own experiences. (@kadiera)


• Loving Food — Starr at Earth Mama truly believes food is her family's medicine and is willing to spend days preparing it the traditional way.


• Food Mindfulness — Danielle at born.in.japan details how her family spends money on each category of food. (@borninjp)


• Food for Little People — Zoey at Good Goog wants to bless her daughter with happy traditions built around good food. (@zoeyspeak)


• Eat Like a Baby — Have you been told that you should not equate food with love? Kate Wicker at Momopoly shows us why that's not necessarily true. (@Momopoly)


• Food — Deb at Science@Home tries to teach her children three rules to help them eat a healthy diet. (@ScienceMum)


• Healthy Eating Lactose-Free — MamanADroit gives us tips on how to eat healthy if you are lactose intolerant (or just don’t want cow milk). (@MamanADroit)

What do you need for a new baby?

I went to my old boss and his wife's house for dinner last night. They are pregnant with their first baby. She asked me 'What are the top 5 things I need before the baby comes'. I've gotten this question before from friends that are pregnant and it is one I asked too.
I find this question really hard to answer. I really want to tell them about co-sleeping, baby wearing, and all the attachment/continuum concept/natural parenting stuff I feel so strongly about but I don't want to scare them. I don't want to be so strong with my opinions that it turns them off from these wonderful things. Sometimes, maybe I don't give my real opinion though. So here goes. Here's what I think people should know and need before having a baby.

breastfeed. This is probably the single most important thing you can do. Even if you don't do any of the rest of anything, breastfeeding is such a gift. Here is a short list of breastfeeding benefits from the immune system to kidneys to the brain by Dr Sears.
I had a lot of problems nursing in the beginning. I had to get help from a lactation consultant and I highly recommend doing that if you have problems. Also, make sure you read about breastfeeding from good sources... Dr. Sears, KellyMom, etc. You can also go to La Leche League in person or online. Get advice from people who are pro breastfeeding. Don't use schedules, feed your baby when they are hungry. So there's my first item on the baby check list. Breasts.

a big bed. I wish we would have gotten a king bed. I plan on getting one next baby. It makes co-sleeping better. We pushed a full bed next to our queen bed and that works great for now. But next time I want a co-sleeper and a king bed. We didn't have Luke in our room for the first week. I will never do that again. I want my baby right to me. There are so many good things that come out of co-sleeping. Here's more from Dr. Sears and Cosleeping.org. I've read a lot of other great articles on co-sleeping but I'm only on my first cup of coffee and I can't remember them. So anyone reading this knows any, please put them in the comments.

a good carrier. I used a moby wrap (but I made it myself) when Luke was an infant. It worked well. As he got older we invested in an Ergo but got it used on craigs list. There are many different types of carriers that work for different people. You might live close to a baby wearing group. If you go to the group they let you check out carriers to try out. In the book The Continuum Concept they talk about the importance of the in-arms phase. Where a baby should be held until they start creeping and crawling. This creates an attachement and a confidence between mom and baby. There are more benefits of baby wearing here.

diapers. I always suggest using disposable diapers for the first week at least until people get parenting figured out. No need to clean and wash diapers when you are recovering from birth. But as soon as you feel comfortable I would go with cloth diapers. There are so many different kinds. We use g-diaper covers and prefold inside. I don't know much about other types of covers because we use Elimination Communication which has been one of the greatest things we've done. We've had to wash less diapers, Luke pees and poos in the toilet almost every time. So I suggest trying this out along with cloth diapers. Really, cloth diapering is an experiment and you have to see what types work best for you.

t-shirts NOT onesies. I hate the button onesis. It's so hard to button and unbutton those snaps when you are trying to EC. Next time I'd want regular t-shirts for around the house. I do see the onesis being useful when it's cold out though.

a few blankets. They might come in handy ;) and this was my husband's suggestion because he used to do the swaddling. Babies like to be swaddled.

That's it. The rest of it is just fluff. While a lot of the stuff is good and helpful you don't need it. I think people over-do things they need for a baby. Probably has to do with our consumer type lifestyles.

(I could be missing some stuff, I'll comment on this post once I let it sink in)

Discernment

I've reached the point of discernment for another child. A few months ago, I couldn't have even considered the thought of having another baby. I prayed about it, it was a no.
I can usually tell in my heart when things are right or wrong. I have to strip away the other stuff to actually see, but I usually just know. God is usually fairly clear to me when I ask him what to do.
But now? I actually had the thought in Mass, should I think about it now? Could I do it now? The answer wasn't a definite 'no' any more. It's now a maybe.
It's hard though. I'm just enjoying my things now. I'm enjoying the fact that Ben can take Luke to the park in the evening for a while. I'm enjoying that I am not needed as much as I was needed when Luke was an infant. My back hurts less because I'm not carrying around a baby any more. I'm nursing less than before. Car trips are incredible now, it's actually possible to go somewhere. My body is mostly back to where it was before.
I mean, it's not all candies and rainbows, it's just different. There are still challenges, in fact probably more challenges now. We're starting the baby toddler stage. I'm learning what to do when Luke does something he shouldn't and he's learning too. There are still some days when Ben gets home that I need rest.
But could I do all of this with a newborn?
Dear God, I'm not sure. Please help me discern what your will is.

Newberg or BUST!

Today was awesome. I went to visit Ben at work for lunch. I've never been on a car trip with Luke that long before. I mean, just me and him. I wasn't sure what to expect. Before, when he was younger (and backward facing), I would stress out a lot about driving somewhere. Always wondering if he'd make it or not. Wondering what'd I'd do if he started crying. Freaking out about not being able to pull over to attend to his needs. It was almost the same to me as driving through snow on the way home in Klamath Falls during the winter... gripping the stearing wheel, tense shoulders, very anxious.
Well, I'm proud to say that it's so different now. I wasn't even worried about driving to Newberg. I wasn't even considering that it might be a bad trip. In fact, I was assuming that we wouldn't even need to stop. And... we didn't! The entire trip was perfectly fine. Luke was happy the entire 45 minute drive. He didn't even fuss at all, not once.
What's so different now? Well, the front facing car seat is SO much better. He likes watching where we are going. That was one of the greatest moments for me as a Mom, is turning that car seat around on his birthday.
Second, I picked up a kids songs CD from the library. He loves it. He loves it so much that when we get home and I turn the car off, he signs 'more' to me and gets a little upset that the music stopped. We listened to it on the way down to Ben's work, and we just sang along. He even does some hand motions to 'the wheels on the bus', and he claps along to BINGO and another song. It's really cute and really fun.
Third, I think I time trips better. I know when he has to pee.. so we usually pee before and then he's fine for the trip. I also have been trying to stick to my schedule so I know when he's usually tired, when he usually wants to nurse and when he's willing to sit in a car. I think that might be the most beneficial. We went after breakfast today. That is by far the best time of the day for Luke and was just great on the trip.
I'm just so proud. I'm so happy that I can go (almost) where ever I want now. It's so liberating and just feels like another phase has passed. People always say when you're a new mom 'this will pass', and they are right, it does pass. And when it passes you feel so good and so happy that you made it. Well, we've made it through the 'i don't want to be in this car ever' phase. It feels good, really good.

An attempt at a schedule

I was talking with Lisa_C, my real life neighbor, the other day. I was mentioning that Luke is getting a little bit over-dramatic about things. Sometimes he throws things, sometimes he grabs on to me or my clothes tightly, sometimes he acts like the world is going to end when he can't have something. This has mostly been going on this last week because we've been inside all week while he was sick. I noticed that it really stresses him out to have nothing to do. Lisa suggested one of the things we can do to help toddlers is to have a routine. I say that word very loosely, because I don't know how much of a routine person I am. But I've tried the last two days to just kind of work around his natural sleep times and here's what I've come up with.

8-9 wake up
9-10:30 breakfast, dishes, getting dressed and ready
1030ish-1 do something... better if it's outside. Friday we went to the park and store, today was farmers market.
Haven't figured out lunch yet, sometimes before nap, sometimes after.
1 or so until 4ish nap time
afternap-before dinner- play outside, read books, play with toys... etc, house chores
dinner
dishes
9-10 bed

The after nap-bed still needs a little work but the mornings have been really great so far. The 'schedule' is only one nap, which, the last few days has really worked out for the better. He seems to be wanting only one nap anyway. I had been trying around noon for the last several weeks and he'd fall asleep and then only sleep like 30 minutes and then take a longer one in the evening from 4-6. Those late naps make his bed time waaay later.
I'm not so strict on scheduling but I think this might add some calm in his life right now. They'll be some days where it's just not going to happen. But it's nice to have something to go with. I have hardly noticed any stress from him at all the last two days. I think most of it has to do with getting out of the house, but I have to think a little has to do with the way I try to set the day :)

I remember when...

I saw my friend's 12 week old baby this weekend. He was so small, making all those little movements and sounds a infant makes. I held him and I remember when (though it's hard) Luke was that small. I remember when he would make rooting movements and being the new parent that I was I didn't know he longed to suckle. I wish I could have pacified all of his needs at the breast. But it hurt too bad. I remember how I thought I was supposed to feed him every couple of hours and he would be full... at least that's what the nurses told me. Now I know better. They need the breast more. And most of all, I know what they need more than anyone else could tell me.
I remember Luke used to squirm for no reason. I know with the next one that squirms and small fusses mean potty. That babies don't like soil themselves. I will know they have control and they want to be free of diapers.
I remember when we used to bath Luke. Then dress him afterwards. He hated everything about it. Next time I'm not bothering with that. Babies don't need baths and they certainly don't need toxic lotions spread on their bodies. Luke smells better than ever and he doesn't bath every day.
I remember when It was so hard to lay Luke down by himself, even in the crib pushed next to our bed. I remember how much more sleep I got when we finally just put him in bed with us. Now I know that babies sleep better next to their parents, my next baby will be snuggled next to me.
All the holding of my friend's new baby brought back so many memories of the early days of being a new parent. I'm not sure if I missed it yet... but I just remember when

Why Nurse past one...

I saw someone comment about their one year old son's eating. They said my son wanted some cherrios she said, well eat this fruit first then I'll give you the cherrio. Granted, I think she still nurses but I'll make my point anyway.
I've seen parents do this. The... eat this first... then you can have this. Don't get me wrong. I'm all about healthy eating. Trust me, it's almost an obsession. I have even turned my non salad eating Step Mom and husband into people that actually ask for salads.
I'm so health conscious that I am going to let my son eat whatever he wants. Why? He's still getting every thing he needs from breast milk.
According to www.kellymom.com...

In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:

• 29% of energy requirements
• 43% of protein requirements
• 36% of calcium requirements
• 75% of vitamin A requirements
• 76% of folate requirements
• 94% of vitamin B₁₂ requirements
• 60% of vitamin C requirements

How can any food match that? Cow's milk?? No way! You'd have to eat a lot of stuff to equal all of that. I've never seen a toddler eat that kind of health food... not to mention enough food to get that many vitamins. Maybe if your kid is a super kid. Luke is a week out from being one. I haven't seen him eat much of anything in one day. I mean he'll have a small piece of bread, or a couple crackers, or a slice of orange, or some berries. But it's not like he's eating complete meals. Even I don't know if I eat those amounts of vitamins at one meal. I can't imagine switching him off of breastmilk, which was specifically designed for him and him alone, to milk made from and for another animal.
As long as he's nursing, I don't have to worry about his nutrition. I don't have to worry about jamming things into his body to make sure he's getting vitamins. And, when he's sick, and won't eat a thing, I can always count on nursing.
I'm excited to see how nursing after one will be, I've seen the kids that do. They are some healthy kids.

Praise Junkie.

Tell me if you think the following conversations sound normal.

#1

Me: Look Ben (my husband) I put the dish in the dishwasher after I was done using it.

Ben: Good job. You are so good today. You can put the dish in the dish washer yourself.

or...

Me: Ben, I just peed in the toilet.

Ben: Good job. I knew you could do it. You are so good.

or...

Me: I just put the lid on a Tupperware container.

Ben: Wow, you are so smart. Good job!


Sound weird? Yes, for 27 year old people to praise each other like that sounds like mockery. In fact, I would probably get the 'are you serious?' look from my husband if I treated him like that. Then why do we do that to children?

I know it sounds so counter-intuitive. You want a child to do something, eg put away the dishes, they do it then you follow up with 'Good job!! thank you for putting away the dishes, you are such a good boy'. But how long do you do this for? At some point won't you just want the child to put away his dish with no reward of praise? I just don't think it makes sense to praise a child for doing something they are supposed to do.
Maybe dishes is a bad example. But what about saying 'Good Job' for putting a smaller cup into a larger cup? On one hand, it is good that they are learning to do that. On the other hand, why should they be praised for playing and learning? Does the child then learn to do a certain something just to get that good warm fuzzy feeling from their parents? Say one day I decide not to praise or I forget that I usually say 'good job' for playing with the cups the 'right' way. Does the child then have to do something bigger and better for praise constantly seeking approval from their parents?
I think it's wrong to use praise as a form of manipulation. I don't want to pull at Luke's emotions by using praise to manipulate him into doing something that I want him to do. Then he learns to do things just for my love and affection. If I constantly praise-manipulate him, he things the only way he'll get my smiling approving face is to do something that merits a 'good job'. Shouldn't I always have an accepting attitude and unconditional love for my child?
I know that I am a praise junkie. I like it when my husband tells me I did a good job. Sometimes I tell him what I've done just to get a praise. I hate that I like praise so much. I wish I was free of it. Free to just do things for the sake of doing them, not for praise. So, please, stop saying "good job" to my child, let him be free.