I've reached the point of discernment for another child. A few months ago, I couldn't have even considered the thought of having another baby. I prayed about it, it was a no.
I can usually tell in my heart when things are right or wrong. I have to strip away the other stuff to actually see, but I usually just know. God is usually fairly clear to me when I ask him what to do.
But now? I actually had the thought in Mass, should I think about it now? Could I do it now? The answer wasn't a definite 'no' any more. It's now a maybe.
It's hard though. I'm just enjoying my things now. I'm enjoying the fact that Ben can take Luke to the park in the evening for a while. I'm enjoying that I am not needed as much as I was needed when Luke was an infant. My back hurts less because I'm not carrying around a baby any more. I'm nursing less than before. Car trips are incredible now, it's actually possible to go somewhere. My body is mostly back to where it was before.
I mean, it's not all candies and rainbows, it's just different. There are still challenges, in fact probably more challenges now. We're starting the baby toddler stage. I'm learning what to do when Luke does something he shouldn't and he's learning too. There are still some days when Ben gets home that I need rest.
But could I do all of this with a newborn?
Dear God, I'm not sure. Please help me discern what your will is.