Tuesday, September 14, 2010

News and thoughts with fears

I'm 5 weeks and two days pregnant, according to my iPhone pregnancy app. I'm excited. Though i always feel like it's hard to get as excited as the people i tell. I just can't get really excited over and over with out it being fake.
I mean, i am excited. I wanted to have kids close in age. I always wished i had a brother or sister. But there are so many things I'm concerned about.
My main concern is breastfeeding Luke. I wanted to nurse him until he naturally weans. I mean, i know i can nurse through pregnancy and beyond but i am worried it won't work out. There's always the change in milk, the decreased amount of milk, etc etc. My son is a comfort nurser, and my husband re-assures me that he needs to nurse and would probably nurse even if there was no milk at all. But I still want all the benefits if nursing for him.
Which leads me to my next concern and idea- I've never left Luke somewhere much less over night, he woud be fine for a litte bit at a friends or family but a hospital birth is out of the question since he still wakes up to nurse in the night and nurses to sleep most nights. And I really don't want to push that until I know he's ready. (I know some will think that is crazy but it's how we parent). For this reason and for my always wanting to have a home birth, I am going down that road, which is probably also just as popular as tandem nursing lol.
Anyway, I suppose most of my blog posts from here will be about this. I couldn't remember a thing from my pregnancy with Luke so I'm hoping to record more about it this time.
So far I'm feeling pretty good. I am seeing spots in my eyes sometimes, like an ocular migraine with out the headache. My. Midwife says it's the blood flowing other places that my head. I'm wondering if its lack of caffiene. (still driking some coffee but trying to cut back. Or that i need to drink and eat more to support pregnancy AND nursing. Either way, it's been a few days since i've seen spots! My lower back hurt a lot yesterday. But other Than those observations everything is going well. Even nursing is going ok, no sore breasts yet, even though I'm parinoid in wondering if my milk tastes different yet, so far so good.
I look forward to seeing how everything plays out. Prayers are greatly appreciated for baby and Luke and for me, and i suppose my loving husband who is just so kind in taking over more chores and things so i can rest, even though i don't feel like i need to yet.
Anyway, I'll write more about the home birth and my midwife later. Time for my limited amount of coffee... now!


Christina said...

Congrats! We're expecting in early March again. Marcus actually weaned himself before I knew I was pregnant. That's what tipped me off in the first place. It's not what I wanted, but if he's not into it anymore, what can you do. I'm excited for you and am sure everything will go well.

Maman A Droit said...

Congrats! The good news is: he won't remember how he weaned. He will forever remember playing with his sibling! That being said, I hope it works well with your milk etc. I've definitely heard of people nursing all the way through pregnancy so I know it's possible! I have the same worries about getting pregnant again soon, and because I had a c-section I feel like a hospital birth is safest (and no midwives around here take VBACs) but I worry about being away from Monkey so long. 9 months is a lot of time fir a toddler though-9 months ago he couldn't walk, stand, or even sit up alone. So I know he'll be a lot different by the end of a pregnancy than at the beginning!

Cassie said...

Congrats Christina!! I didn't know Eric was back! That's so exciting!! When do you find out if it's a boy or girl? Are you guys really excited? Interesting that Marcus didn't like the milk... how far along were you when you found out? Luke's still nursing away like nothing has changed.

Maman A Droit,
You're right, he won't remember weaning... it will probably be more heartbreaking to me. I am hoping to keep it up. Just one day at a time for now.
Sorry no VBAC midwives :( that sucks. You'd find one up here I bet, everyone is hippie and natural here lol. I understand your feelings about having a second child. We weren't 'trying' but then again, we weren't not trying, you know how NFP goes ;) I'm sure God's plan will amaze me and it will be glorious no matter what happens. It's just hard not to worry a little!

Lisa C said...

I completely understand your concerns about Luke and breastfeeding, and also about not wanting to leave him. Michael is two months older than Luke will be when the baby is born, and I still couldn't leave him overnight. I hope everything works out for you and I'm excited to follow your pregnancy journey!